My deepest gratitude for you, the reader of this blog. The fact that you had enough interest in the Sprouse family to read about us (although we never seem to remember birthdays or call anyone) is quite touching.
This entry is being posted by Xan, or as I like to call myself, me. It is my first, so please forgive the “in the beginning…” style of this post that falls right in the middle of Chris’ narrative of our life saga. He does a good job of reminding me that our lives are actually pretty fun, at least by our standards-any skydivers or sword swallowers reading this will most likely disagree.
Anyway, today being Father’s Day, I just wanted to give a shout out to all of my dads-Paul Hess, Jake Sprouse and Bill Schiffman-my dad, dad-in-law, and foster dad. Happy Father’s Day and much love to all of you. Especially my dad Paul, who would just be having a boring old run of the mill Sunday today were it not for me, as I am his only child.
The photo is of my parents, Lin and Paul at the party Chris and I had to celebrate our eloping. I think that’s shrimp cocktail that Dad doesn’t seem to be able to swallow. I suppose it is better than the cat food he cracked open and ate on live TV. You heard me.
This was of course during the WOSU Auction, for which my Dad and I have been volunteers the last 19 years. Someone dared him, and he grabbed a plastic fork, popped off the top of that can of Whiskas and dug right in to turkey and giblets if I remember it right.
As crazy as it was, we sold a lot of cat food, and I got my foster dad out the ordeal. After the all the cat food had been sold, Bill Schiffman (you may remember him from such WOSU scholarly gameshows as In The Know, or ITK for those of us who have places to be) our longtime Auction pal hugged me and told me he would be my foster dad from now on, since I shouldn’t have to live in such conditions. A silly comment after a silly incident, but years later we still call each other Foster Father and Foster Daughter.
Everyone else still talks about the cat food and always tries to egg him on to eat other pet foods, but Dad is a true showman-shock ’em once and leave them howling in the aisles and wanting for more, but don’t indulge them. Just move on to the next act, like eating a live spider. But that little Hess family Christmas memory is a story for another time.
Thanks again for lookin’,
Xan’s Pop Culture Quote of the Week:
“Listen, kid. I’m not the kind of dad who, you know, does things, or says stuff, or looks at you. But the love is there!”
-Krusty the Clown, from “Insane Clown Poppy”-episosde BABF17 of The Simpsons